The math is in.
confirmed today that although women are 51 percent of the nation’s population
and 48 percent of the law school’s new students, only 20.4 percent of the
school’s board of editors have
been found to be female. Yielding to no one in the ceaseless quest to
enhance its reproductive-organ diversity, the school has adopted a new
affirmative action policy which–it hastened to add–is unlikely to require the
immediate expulsion of any male editors, no matter how superfluous. Even apart
from differential organ ownership among board members, the school likes to
weigh a broad range of factors in its analysis, including disability, pigment
and–some say–merit.
The “discretionary committee,” as it is discreetly known at
the school, is rumored to be pushing ahead with still secret categories of
obviously needed diversity. Usually reliable scuttlebutt says the school is
looking for board membership from at least one transsexual, a Scientologist, an
illegal alien living in the shadows, an ovo-lactarian, the offspring of one of
Harvard’s Arab potentate-donors, one or more lapsed Unitarians, and a former
altar boy who has never been molested by a priest.
Sources say a suggested opening for one conservative or
libertarian was brushed aside with a curt “You go too far, sir. Simmer down.”
